Tuesday, February 3, 2009

How To Be A Famous Blogger

New blog, new start. I've decided to open up a new blogging account after regretting having given my parents access to my previous xanga. Silly me for thinking that i would actually want to keep them updated on every single aspect of my life. Don't get me wrong, i love them to bits..but there are some details that a 20 (coming on 21, omg) year old girl/female/woman (whichever you prefer) must be able to keep away from her parentals.

For some reason, getting countless hits from randoms seem much more interesting and exciting than having your own family read your posts. How biased but i guess everyone wants to be famous. Heck, I wanna be famous! I've only just realised that I actually know quite a number of these bloggers with a greater than average readers' list. Okay fineeee, I don't know them per se, but I know people who know them. Same lah. Anyway, after careful analysis and consideration, I think I have found the key to being A Famous Blogger.

Step 1: Master the art of camwhoring.
Oh boi, if you thought camwhoring was all about taking random shots of oneself in one's bedroom, in front of a shopping mall bathroom mirror, in a car (hopefully, only when one is oh-so-fortunate to be a passenger and not the driver) etc, then my my are u in for a treat. Camwhoring requires greater skill and precision than it has been given credit for. Angle, lighting, expression all play a big role in getting it right. Lack the necessary practice, and you'll find half your face unwillingly cut out of the frame.

Step 2: Hit the clubbing scene.
Have you noticed that a sure winner post on any reasonably popular blog involves a dark club, smoke clouding the air and pink faces (no, not because the girls are wearing a lot of blush)? My instincts tell me that posts like those fetch the most interest. Perhaps, readers scroll down the post of what feels like 100 pictures in the hopes of some eye candy, both male and female..according to your preference. Which leads me to Step 3.
Step 3: Make friends with hotties and learn to pose provocatively.
This is an essential. Everybody loves them some eye candy. I'll be honest, when I blog hop, I just scroll through pictures and hardly ever read its contents. I check out the dudes..AND i check out the chicks (which for some reason, always seem more abundant and fun to watch. I am straight) So, to be the ultimate blogger, hit a club, dance the night away while of course remembering to photograph every moment of it, grab some good looking people and take pictures with them like they're your best friends.
I'm not much of a clubber..and I think we can also safely establish, am not very good in front of a camera. Hence, I suppose I shall have to settle with just being a blogger full stop.
Woe is me. I shall search for fame elsewhere.

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